The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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