3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your cock deserves a montage
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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