just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
