I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
