take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
