i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
porn star boner night. come get it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
