I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
