first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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