We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
