Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i barfeds in our rink
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
