I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
