I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
