did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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