i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
