Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
