She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i've created a new STD.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
