remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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