Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
