I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
