I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
