dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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