I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
