I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
