Plan B is the new Plan A
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
