No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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