Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
