I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
