Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
