What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
