I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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