Dual....:-)
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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