Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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