ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
MIDGETS
????
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
