He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
