Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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