I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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