Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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