You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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