i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
