I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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