Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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