Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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