This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
