Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
