I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
