I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
