I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
