I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize