At least make sure they are 18
Why
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
