She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
