went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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