Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
