just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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