I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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