i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
