EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
