Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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