We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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