Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize