Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wanna go halves on a baby?
he thought i was a dude.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
