I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
