I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
