watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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