I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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