Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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