We won't sleep together?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
