I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize