I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
