literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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