how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
40s are totally the cure
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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