people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
