Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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