fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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