The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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