There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
