Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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