He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
