i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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