I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
