I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize