someone get that fucking seahorse.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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