if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
