i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
