Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
