Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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