I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
