I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
