No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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