No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
