Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
